The Chris Ives Experience

Did someone just blink, or did you take a picture of an Asian person?

Good news for people who sit around waiting for something to be pissed off about:

Face-Detection Cameras: Users' Racism Charges Explained

Blink detection sounds cool.  Don't mess it up for those of us who could benefit from it!

You can't make this shit up!

I think I'd rather die of dehydration...

RSS Newsfeeds say the darndest things...

I'm not sure which is more sad...  The fact that Tila Tequila finds 'Temporary Solace' on Twitter, or that MTV thought it was significant enough to write about.  Did they just need filler between the latest in Tiger Woods drama and Lady Ga Ga's new hairstyle?  Worse, why is this in my news feed??  Ugh!

I didn't mind Valerie Bertinelli because I was sick of Kirstie Alley.  Now, I'm sick of Valerie Bertinelli (and still hate her for trashing Eddie Van Halen in her tell-all book).  But George Costanza?  Seriously?  I guess I'm happy that he wants to lose weight?  If Larry David would have cast him in more episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm, would he still be doing this?

In other news, Hamas security forces are torturing inmates in the Palestinian Authority prisons (fucking Hamas fuckers!), Yemen arrests al-Qaeda suspects in raid (fucking al-Qaeda fuckers!), Crude oil is trading at the highest level since October 2008 in a ten-session rally (fucking oil fuckers!), and Big Unit announced his retirement, ending an incredible career in a Giants uni (let's go Giants!).  I supposed Tila Tequila fits in there somewhere too?

By age 36, I'm average at something...

The Chris Ives Experience turned 36 (a week ago Sunday).  I'm not exactly the "get all reflective" type, but for the sake of killing ten minutes, googled "by age 36" and got the following results-

Check out the one second from the bottom-  Meet-an-inmate.com?  Seriously?  Ugh!

On page two of the search results, I saw one titled Ten Jobs by 36, saying that the average 36 year old has had ten jobs since age 18.  It goes on to say that whitey's had (on average) more jobs than the brother man and breaks out the stats for ages 18-22, 22-26, etc., but I stopped at the first stat.  Ten jobs.  Since I was 18, I worked at the following, the duration, and how it ended.

Starting at age 18-

1. Sac State Bookstore- 2 weeks; Was fired
2. Lobbyist (Can't remember name)- 2 months; Summer job, built database for them
3. Java City- 2 years; Fired because I called in sick to go on a date
4. Wells Fargo- 6 months; Quit, was second job and Java City was easier on school schedule
5. Lulu's Cafe- 4 hours; Quit- The manager was talking shit about everyone in Greek, I knew some of what he was saying
6. Espresso Metro- 8 months; Quit to work at America Live
7. America Live- 1 year; Quit to work at River City Brewing Co
8. River City Brewing Co- 1 year; Quit to work at First Nationwide Bank
9. First Nationwide Bank/Cal Fed- 2.5 years; Quit to work at E-Trade
10. E-Trade- 2.5 years; Quit to work at Kentucky Fried Chicken
11. Kentucky Fried Chicken- 8 years; Still work there, not really KFC, but my current company

So there it is...  I'm pretty sure I got all of them, but might have missed one or two...

 

Team Jolie: 1,296,682 Team Aniston: 0

 

Hot Wife is Team Aniston.  The Chris Ives Experience is Team Jolie...

I heard that Jennifer Aniston tipped the Starbucks barista a whole dollar for her no-foam, half-caff latte.  That's charitable, I guess..