thechrisivesexperience

It isn't necessary to wear reflective clothing while running on a treadmill

A woman wore these highlighter-yellow running tights at the gym tonight.  She was at least five treadmills away from me, but I couldn't help but be occasionally distracted when my peripheral vision caught the greenish-yellow movement.

I'd forgotten how awful some people dress at the gym (Yes you, Mr. short-shorts, Hamm's Beer t-shirt, and white tube socks guy!).

To be fair to the woman, I can appreciat the utility of what she was wearing.  Had she been outdoors, she'd be plenty visible to motorists...  But, she was indoors, and a giant greenish-yellow distraction.

When The Chris Ives Experinece Approach to running fails, try a more pussified approach...

When I renewed my Men's Health Magazine subscription in December, I missed the tiny opt-out box to  keep my inbox from filling up with these "Special Offers" from Men's Health and their affiliates...  Within days, email came rolling in for "The Six Pack Abs Diet", "The Boost Your Sex Drive Workout", and "Secrets For A Bigger Boner"...  You've had to have seen them... But there was one that caught my eye from Runner's World Magazine..  It was a special offer to buy their "Run Your Butt Off" book...  I knew I'd have a resolution to begin running so I clicked the link to find out more.

Run Your Butt Off-  It will help you get into running, but doesn't focus on the running (at first).  Instead, it focuses on the importance of scheduling a 30 minute workout, four days a week.  That's the emphasis (in the beginning, anyway).  I clicked around until I saw that they wanted $39.98 for the book.  A minute later, a quick check at the Barnes & Noble website showed the book to be in-stock at the store in my town for $19.99.  I bought the book the next day...

So, like I said.. The beginning of the book focuses on making a habit out of working out for 30 minutes, four days a week.  That seems to be the biggest challenge to fitness resolutions.  Working this time into my schedule was more difficult than I thought, but was do-able.

Now for the running part-  The book doesn't want me to use the typical The Chris Ives Experience approach to starting running again, where I set out for a two-mile run. Five minutes into that two-mile run, my foot hurts, and my knee hurts, and I remember just how much running sucks.  I finish the two mile run, winded, and limping a little, thinking there's no fucking way I will do this four days a week.  Instead, the book has me walking a little bit, running a little bit, walking a little bit, running a little bit, for 33 minutes... WALKING?  What?  The goal for Phase 1 is to walk for 30 minutes.  I do this a lot already, be it with my wife, son, dog, or combination of the three.  Phase 2 is to walk for four minutes, run for one minute, and do that six times.  That was a bit more than the ego could afford so I started with Phase 3: Walk for four minutes, run for two minutes, five times.

Truth be told, after doing this for a week, it feels pretty good.  Granted, the 23 year old me is laughing at this more slow (read as PUSSIFIED) approach, but I'm not 23 anymore.

Kim and Kanye's baby will be this year's big story...

Last year, it was Will and Kate's royal wedding...

This year, it will be the birth of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's bastard love child.

I'm kidding of course, but the thing that makes me more sick that Billy Bush keeping a straight face while reporting Kim's baby-bump update will be what they end up naming the baby...

What do two of the world's most egomaniacal juggernaut assholes name their love child?  If it's a boy, they'll name him $ (you pronounce it "Dolla").  If it's a girl, they'll name her Futon-Regret (common pronunciation).

 

2013 will be the year of more. And I have Resolutions like a mother fucker...

It makes me crazy when people get all better-than-you with their "I don't do resolutions".  Yes you do.  You are just weak and break them without even trying.  Or, you're just being a jerk and calling them goals, like there's a difference.  It's a new year, so I have resolutuions.  They're focused on doing stuff.  Cool stuff.  They're attainable

1. Run more - I've gone from running a few miles a day, three or four days a week to not running.  Sure I had a bike accident and ACL repair to get past, but its all fixed.   I'm taking a different approach to my re-start this time...  I bought a book called Run Your Butt Off, that shows a much slower approach to running.  Meaning, rather than just running two miles and seeing how it feels, it has me focusing on a habit of running, rather than focusing on mileage...  It seems pretty weak-sauce (combo of running and walking in the beginning), but will probably be better than the prior used, "Oh yeah, this sucks" introduction I've had before. 
2. Get into trail running - I have some friends that are into it and it looks cool
3. Ride my bike more - To break up the monotony of running, I want to ride my bike more.  Now that Ian's 3 1/2 and watching movies, it won't be as much work for Amy if I take off on my bike for a few hours...
4. Get back into rowing - I bought Stand Up Paddle Board lessons for Amy and I through the Sac State Aquatic Center.  I got a cool little tour of the new boathouse and instantly missed rowing.  The girl at the Aquatic Center said that because I rowed crew in college, I could get a quick skills assessment and use/rent their sculls and start taking them out.  So I won't sink the boat, I'll work on my first three resolutions a bit before I do this..
5. Read more -  Flying back and forth to Minneapolis a few times gave me the opportunity to read more in 2012.  I read the Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter book and the Hunger Games trilogy.  The next book I'll read is Justin Cronin's The Passage.  It's 894 pages and will take a while...  
6. Do more with my friends - Like I mentioned earlier... Since Ian was born, its been a give-and-take with social situations..  More give, and less take, since we're making our kid's development a two-person job.  But now that he's older, it doesn't have to be such a two-person gig (at one time, anyway).
7. Go to Church more - I know its not in vogue to believe in God or go to Church, but I'm into it.
8. Write more-  On this site and a handful of others (that will have me).
9. Focus more on my professional being -  About a month ago, I came across this article about career paths...  Since then, I've done a betetr job at articulating my five year career goals and have better aligned that path with opportunities in my office.  I've gone from begrudging over TPS reports to introducing meaningful change at my company.
10. Get back into rollerblading - Just kidding...  If you see me on rollerblades, you have my permission to punch me in the junk as hard as you can.

Redbox Recommendation: Savages

Savages -It stars Benicio Del Toro, Salma Hayak, Blake Lively, and some other gueros. It is about a So-Cal pot dealer syndicate vs a Mexican drug cartel. Longer movie, but pretty good. It was well worth the dollar rental charge.

Horrible Names: Dean's taking a leak...

There was a discussion on Sports Center last night about Ray Lewis coming off of the injured reserve list to play the Broncos on Sunday, that showed an interview with Ravens Defensive Coordinator, Dean Pees.

Dean Pees?  Dean Pees.. Dean is pissing.  Dean is taking a leak.  I'm sure that by age 63, he's heard it all and doesn't give a shit anymore, but I hope that Dean Pees has only daughters and his name ends with him.

Dean Pees is why women keep their maiden names...

clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, BANG-BANG, clip-clop, clip-clop...

It's an Amish drive-by!

Amish Mafia has its series premiere tonight and you can bet your ass I will be recording it..

I had high hopes...

Moses:  Come on Levi, we're going to put a hit on that bastard, Zeke!

Levi: But Mose, I have to help churn the butter tonight...

Moses:  ....

Levi:  What?

Emphasis on had...  High hopes were a bit thwarted when I read the About the Show page on the Discovery Channel's website where they refer to the group as protection and justice as the Amish people don't trust outside law enforcement...  So it might be more like:

Moses:  Your fifth son did a number on Zeke's wagon wheel after supper last night...

Zebediah: That little scamp!  I'll give him a good lashing when he comes in from the fields...

Moses:  Alright, then...

Levi:  Alright...

Who knows... The Amish people have surprised me before...  I'll be watching for sure...

 

Happy Black Friday, Crackers!

Happy Black Friday... Long time, no see...  I canceled this site a few years back in lieu of something more professional and/or mature.  Unfortunately, professional and/or mature content is diametrically opposed to fun content..  It was a conundrum, to say the least...  I launched a handful of cleverly-named sites over a few years, but didn't like any of them enough to keep them.  Two days ago, I checked Godaddy,com to see if the domain was available again and it was..  Since then, I've been building it out again, updating it with links to sites I read.  I'll be adding links and pages and other stuff you need on a site like this...  Eventually, I'll get to the feeds and syndication stuff...  Be patient with it.

I hope you enjoy it.