The Chris Ives Experience

Fish taco please, hold the spit...

So I mentioned last Friday that we went to Rubios for lunch.  I didn't mention, however, that they jacked up our order.

I'll have the two grilled fish tacos on flour tortillas and beans and rice instead of beans and chips.

I got two grilled fish tacos on corn tortillas, chips, and beans. 

No, I asked for flour tortillas.  I also asked for rice and beans instead of chips and beans.  I gave up chips for Lent.

I got two grilled fish tacos on flour tortillas, chips, and beans.

No, I asked for rice and beans, not chips and beans.  I gave up chips for Lent.  I just said that to you three minutes ago.

I got a small container of rice to go with my chips and beans.  At that moment, I realized that my order must be extra tricky and was cool with what I got.

But I'll be damned if my receipt didn't say Tell us what you think along with the RubiosFeedback.com URL and a pass-code that referenced my specific order.  When I got back to work, I went to the website.

Question number 1.  Was your order filled correctly?

Question number 2.  Were we able to fix your order?

There was a lot of questions like that.  I gave them high marks for a clean restroom, but blew them up for accuracy of order, friendliness while fixing your order, etc.  At the end of the survey, they ask for your name, phone number, and address for a monthly drawing.  I put my work contact info.

Today, I got a call from Marina, one of the managers.  She said that she would like to make it up to me and asked if I'd be willing to give them another try.

Sounds great!  But then she said this:

I'll make sure all of the cashiers know your name for when you come in...

No thanks.  I used to work in food service...

Worse rhetorical question ever, or flair for the obvious?

The Chris Ives Experience is a good Catholic and ate fish tacos for lunch at Rubios.  The Rubios by our office has the soda fountain next to the salsa bar.  That said, the process works like this...

1. Take your empty cup and go to the end of the line
2. Get your soda
3. Get your plastic fork, spoon, and/or knife
4. Get your napkins
5. Get your limes
6. Get your salsa
7. Go to your table and wait for your number to be called.

It's not rocket science.  And, there are enough people in line, moving through the paces, to make it super fucking obvious that this is how it works.

Enter captain dipshit that goes straight to step 5.

Are you guys in line?

No, we're just standing behind all of the other people that are in line with our empty cups hoping to eat our food in this exact spot with nothing to drink!  By asking if we're in line, you are acknowledging that you do, in-fact know what a line is, and see people standing in line.

It's like asking a person sitting at a booth eating their food if they're sitting at a booth eating food.

Next time, we'll ask if he's trying to ask a rhetorical question, but that he wouldn't be making a point (which is usually why you ask rhetorical questions).

Tonight is The Chris Ives Experience, Jimbo, and C-Fong get crazy on the streets of Sacramento night.  I got one of those flip video camera things for Christmas.  Maybe there will be video of awesomeness posted on this website over the weekend.  We'll see.

RSS Newsfeeds say the darndest things...

I'm not sure which is more sad...  The fact that Tila Tequila finds 'Temporary Solace' on Twitter, or that MTV thought it was significant enough to write about.  Did they just need filler between the latest in Tiger Woods drama and Lady Ga Ga's new hairstyle?  Worse, why is this in my news feed??  Ugh!

I didn't mind Valerie Bertinelli because I was sick of Kirstie Alley.  Now, I'm sick of Valerie Bertinelli (and still hate her for trashing Eddie Van Halen in her tell-all book).  But George Costanza?  Seriously?  I guess I'm happy that he wants to lose weight?  If Larry David would have cast him in more episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm, would he still be doing this?

In other news, Hamas security forces are torturing inmates in the Palestinian Authority prisons (fucking Hamas fuckers!), Yemen arrests al-Qaeda suspects in raid (fucking al-Qaeda fuckers!), Crude oil is trading at the highest level since October 2008 in a ten-session rally (fucking oil fuckers!), and Big Unit announced his retirement, ending an incredible career in a Giants uni (let's go Giants!).  I supposed Tila Tequila fits in there somewhere too?

It seems like just anyone can be on Jeopardy!

Is it just me, or has the caliber of Jeopardy! contestants changed from scholar to smart, but socially retarded?

This is how it used to be:

Alex Trebek:  Our first contestant is Dr. Stephen Jackson, Nobel Prize winner and author of an interesting article in a medical journal.

Contestant:  That's right, Alex.  I recently discovered that periodic exposure to low level radiation counters the effect of abnormal cell regeneration in children with pancreatic cancer.

Alex Trebek:  That's amazing!

Do you know what I mean?  The contestans were whip smart and had fancy credentials.  Now, it's more like this:

Alex Trebek:  Our first contestant is Michael Kohl, a business systems analyst from Pacifica who once had a memorable visit to our nation's capital.

Contestant:  That's right, Alex.  My family and I were vacationing in Washington DC.  We were just outside of the Lincoln Monument when a bird flying overhead went diarrhea on my neck.

Alex Trebek: Wow, that must have been quite a surprise.

Contestant:  Yes.  It was actually very hot and burny.

Alex Trebek: Well, good luck Michael!

Sad but true, Michael was the least one-time-at-band-camp-y of all three contestants.  It seems like Jeopardy! is becoming more like Wheel of Fortune:

Pat Sajack:  Our first contestant is Carrie Dennis.  It says here that you love going to garage sales!

Contestant:  That's right, Pat.  I've found some great deals at garage sales!

Pat Sackack:  Well, good luck Carrie!

Proof:  Some of the puzzles on Wheel of Fortune are more difficult than some of the categories on Jeopardy!  I'll take Words That Rhyme With Mouse for $1600, please Alex...

The Audacity of The Force?

 

Obama:  Yes we can reform Star Wars!

The Chris Ives Experience:  You better not!

Ha Ha, President Obama!  The blue light saber is for girl Jedi's!  You should have used the red one!