Facing eminent layoffs, The Chris Ives Experience saw this one on his RSS feeds this morning...
Okay, I'm game... The info could come in handy so I clicked the link... Here's what I found (I'm not making this shit up, this is a copy/paste from the website).
1. Arriving late.
2. Arriving too early.
3. Lighting up a cigarette, or smelling like a cigarette.
4. Bad-mouthing your last boss.
5. Lying about your skills/experience/knowledge.
6. Wearing the wrong (for this workplace!) clothes.
7. Forgetting the name of the person you're interviewing with.
8. Wearing a ton of perfume or aftershave.
9. Wearing sunglasses.
10. Wearing a Bluetooth earpiece.
11. Failing to research the employer in advance.
12. Failing to demonstrate enthusiasm.
13. Inquiring about benefits too soon.
14. Talking about salary requirements too soon.
15. Being unable to explain how your strengths and abilities apply to the job in question.
16. Failing to make a strong case for why you are the best person for this job.
17. Forgetting to bring a copy of your resume and/or portfolio.
18. Failing to remember what you wrote on your own resume.
19. Asking too many questions.
20. Asking no questions at all.
21. Being unprepared to answer the standard questions.
22. Failing to listen carefully to what the interviewer is saying.
23. Talking more than half the time.
24. Interrupting your interviewer.
25. Neglecting to match the communication style of your interviewer.
26. Yawning.
27. Slouching.
28. Bringing along a friend, or your mother.
29. Chewing gum, tobacco, your pen, your hair.
30. Laughing, giggling, whistling, humming, lip-smacking.
31. Saying "you know," "like," "I guess," and "um."
32. Name-dropping or bragging or sounding like a know-it-all.
33. Asking to use the bathroom.
34. Being falsely or exaggeratedly modest.
35. Shaking hands too weakly, or too firmly.
36. Failing to make eye contact (or making continuous eye contact).
37. Taking a seat before your interviewer does.
38. Becoming angry or defensive.
39. Complaining that you were kept waiting.
40. Complaining about anything!
41. Speaking rudely to the receptionist.
42. Letting your nervousness show.
43. Overexplaining why you lost your last job.
44. Being too familiar and jokey.
45. Sounding desperate.
46. Checking the time.
47. Oversharing.
48. Sounding rehearsed.
49. Leaving your cell phone on.
50. Failing to ask for the job.
So smoking is a bad idea at a job interview? Thanks for the tip. I followed the link at the bottom of the page... It took me to this website- www.karenburnsworkinggirl.com. It's one of those I used to flip burgers, wrote a book about how shitty it was, and now have more cash than Chris Ives type sites (I'm not bitter). This is some of that flair for the obvious, no shit sherlock kind of information, but because it came from a woman with a sense of empowerment, it makes my RSS feeds.
But as long as we're being picky, it's important to identify the mistakes that Ms. Karen Burns Working Girl failed to mention. The list includes, but is not limited to:
- Farting
- Farting and calling "Safety"
- Asking the interviewer if he farted
- Asking the interviewer if it's just you, or does it smell like farts in here?
- Taking a leak in the potted ficus in the lobby
- You don't drug test, do you?
- Bringing your dog to the interview
- Prefacing your answer with "That's a fucking great question!"
- Having a snack during the interview
- Telling a racist joke
- Miming your answer
- What time is coffee delivered and who brings it? How do they know my order?
- Dressing as Batman for the interview (especially if you're more of a Robin)
- Asking if the interviewer if he likes to "party"
- Wearing a gorilla mask to the interview
- No comment. Next question please.
- Asking if they block internet porn
- Telling the interviewer he looks like a girl you dated in college
- Saying that you could better answer the interview questions over a beef-n-chedda and some seasoned curlies from Arby's
- Answering questions in Pig Latin
OMG! I'm so great! I'm going to write a book using a cartoon caricature of myself!
